OK Boomer surreptitiously wiped a tear from his eye with a complementary napkin from the dispenser. He had just read about the scurrilous behaviour of Scott Morrison’s censure.
The waitress was surprised. She was used to drool from his thin mean lips not his eyes. She looked away and scowled. She had already observed him placing a thick wad of serviettes in his pocket. He did this every day, and all he ever bought was a single cup of coffee.
Boomer, as a generous patron of her establishment knew it was his right to use napkins, and her unsympathic glower was not missed, but he had other concerns. It appeared the sun of the honorable Mr Morrison might be setting. The great man might have performed his final dance on the parliamentary stage.
In a characteristically brilliant lampoon of the concept of a political stunt, Mr Morrisdance had once again, regretfully, with due respect, given a apology that wasn’t an apology. Except, of course, as a token wink to his followers who believed he didn’t need to apologise.
OK Boomer agreed with Scot’s marketing. It was obvious that it was obviously Australia’s fault for not asking the obvious. Especially the media. Their innuendo was that it was Scotty’s fault, because they believed any answer he gave. Scot assured them, if they had asked about his secrets, his answer would obviously be a disassembly of the facts as he saw them.
Of course it would! That was politics. It was the responsibility of journalists to research the need for his actions to save the country. They were necessary to preserve the security of the nation from the threats that only Scot could imagine. That was the power of his leadership.
Boomer knew that the trouble with most people was that they didn’t nderstand. They didn’t know how to read between the lines. Scomo was always honest. This was encapsulated in his promise “What you see is what you get”. Provided, of course, and obviously, you ignored what he said to snuff out the feral press. Honest Scot had to protect himself from those who continually picked upon him, trying to catch him out as if he was a compusive liar. You had to look beond his behaviour to see what great things he had done.
OK Boomer freely admitted he had personally benefited from the Morrison largesse. After all he had voted for the man, to promote the retention of undeserved privileges for people who were hard-working at being well-off. Although some benefits regetfully were unfortunately bestowed on others who really did not need it, like the owner of the coffee shop who was giving him the stinkeye again.
He looked on the floor to double check that the sugar sachets he had souvenired had not fallen out of his bulging pockets. No. There was no need for another embarrassing confrontation where he would be forced to massage the facts, just like Scotty often had to when challenged by fools.
Doing a little Morrisdance of his own, Boomer suppressed the undeserved thought and magnaminously conceded that at least, despite being only a woman, she had stayed open, and waited upon him with her ridiculously cheery mask hiding her oh so pretty face.
Boomer sighed as he observed the taught jiggle of her bright lycra as she bent over and scrubbed a particularly intransigent stain on her business. That was what liberal democracy was all about. Scomo had the balance right, providing entertainment to the disgruntled masses whilst maintaining the status quo, and boosting Boomer’s net worth. He was unsure Dutton was up to the task. The plodder hadn’t even spoken when Scomo was censured. What sort of mate was he? Meanwhile Scotty had worked hard lay a fog that protected his real supporters who had known and supported his actions.
As it should be, Scot has ensured that no-one will ever know who these heros are who helped him shield the nation as to who was in control during the pandemic crisis. Or who was advising him to take these necessary actions against his untrustworthy ministers.
Even Jen and the kids were not attributed for advising him to do so. Like many in Scot’s inner circle it remained unclear what was their role in covering up the necessity of his divine inspiration to save the nation from the parliamentary anarchy of unnecessary cabinet protocols.
Boomer had no doubt that there would be a few more final acts. Like voting for an integrity commission it was silly to vote for the rules to stop Scomo repeating his actions when was not really sorry. His actions protected the nation from rampant democracy, and Boomer regretted that Scomo would not speak again.
He could understand and forgive Scot if he didn’t bother turning up to perform his representative duties. Why should he when he was so unappreciated, and he was so busy representing his electorate on paid talking tours where he could demonstrate his ability to portray multiple responsible characters simultaneously disguised in a hi-vis vest and welders mask whilst wielding a pair of haidressers scissors. His showmanship will be missed thought Boomer shedding another tear, this time in quiet laghter.
Boomer feared that instead Scotty would turn to his god wasting his prodigious talent for mendacity and risking his legacy of having cleared the liberal party of moderate left-leaning scum. Saving the party from idiots who might be tempted to consider winding back some of the excesses of capital gains discounts, expense write-offs, franking credits and any other subsidy he personally benefitted from at the expense of others as if they were simply just another ill-conceived car park.
Although not particularly religious, Boomer admired Scotties fervor. It amused him how he faithfully layed his hands on those who would oppose his divine right to change his mind about the excuses for his behaviour.
Surely Scot could convert the media to show some grace. The same grace he demanded from the labour government to ensure his transcedance to the most highly exaulted icon of prime ministers past. He was much better than little jonny howard who did nothing of consequence except preserve his fortune whereas Scomo had boosted it with his promotion of private interests over public responsibility.
This persecution of the former minister for everything was summarised by the concept that more red tape was needed to enforce the rules of convention that he had abandoned in order to accumulate power. Necessary power to save quiet Australia. Boomer didn’t understand the premise of what this spaghetti of legislation was meant to achieve.
Sure it might embolden an ungrateful whining public servant who didn’t want their job to speak up, but if Australia had to be saved again no-one had revealed any penalty for assuming responsibility in secret as a matter of national security. A petty fine for an alleged dictatorship wouldn’t have stopped the great leaders of the past, including Scomo.
Anyway, just because Scomo had these powers doesn’t mean he was doing anything wrong. It was just to stop the covid emergency that he had overuled a decision to refuse a mining lease. He should be thanked, but instead he was forced to magnaminously turn the other cheek to abuse by his detractors.
Boomer consoled himself with a quick glance at another shimmering cheek as the waitress turned in indecision. Piroutteing in a delicate balnce with her sumptuous tray of orders. It was unclear what direction Scotty would go either.
Surely there would be further swansongs. There was the Robodebt royal commission where Scomo would prove once again he had saved the economy with his judicious grants to big business funded by recovering the money from welfare cheats.
No, it wasn’t over yet. Scomo had to protect his legacy and above all Boomer’s investment portfolio. Otherwise Australia would collapse into the anarchy of the communist left with their ignorance of the real needs of the public interest.
As he rose from his seat he winced at the painful thought of what might be lost. All his investments in oil, coal and gas might lose value. His dividend stream might collapse and he might have to sell some assets at a loss. There was a liberal legacy to protect at any cost to preserve all that is right and proper. All good leaders knew that when taking on the burden of hiding their decisions and reasoning. That was why Boomer hid behind a blind trust.
As he made his way to the exit, Boomer made a little shuffle to pass as closely to the sweet-smell of the young flesh. Closing his eyes briefly to savour the exhilleration of the mock Morrisdance as he silently sang in unison with the congregation of quiet australians “This censure of Scotty by parliament was a sacrilegious attack by heathens determined to destroy the benefits of good economic management that had served natural self-interests”